It’s February which means one thing: love. The whole month seems to burst into a glorious celebration of love. All pink and red, love hearts, flowers and chocolates. I’ve come to appreciate the many forms of love; parental love, familial love, friendship love and romantic love. It’s taken me many years to realise this but the most valuable form of love is self-love, without it, you can’t truly love another fully. RuPaul said it best, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anyone else?“. In this blog post, I’ll explore the importance of practising self love and share how you can cultivate love in your daily life.
Self-love has been an often misunderstood concept. I used to hear the term and equate it with selfishness because the idea of putting myself and my needs first was such a foreign concept. Merriam-Webster defines self-love as “proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being“. Doesn’t that sound beautiful? In recent years, I’ve come to understand the importance of self-love for my mental, emotional and physical well-being. I’ve prioritised ways of practising self love in my daily routine, which not only helps to nourish me, it means I’m better placed to pour love into other people in my life. You can’t pour from an empty cup; especially when it comes to love. In the spirit of spreading love, I’m going to share four steps to help you practice self-love in your own life.
Understanding Your Needs to Help Practice Self Love
The first step in practising self love is to understand your needs. Self-love looks different to everyone, my daily rituals won’t help to fill your cup up and vice versa. The first step in practising self love is understanding your needs. This includes listening to your body, setting boundaries, and saying no to things that don’t serve you.
Listening to your body
Our bodies are incredibly intuitive and can tell us exactly what they need if you listen carefully. Make sure you’re meeting your basic needs by listening to your body’s signals. Do you feel tired? You should probably stop reading or scrolling and prioritise an earlier bedtime. Feeling snappy? Make sure you’re eating at regular intervals and your body responds well to the food you’re feeding it.
Setting healthy boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries in both your work and personal life is key to practising self love. One of my love languages is ‘acts of service’, I love being there for people and helping them. But this often meant that I overextended myself to the detriment of my own needs. I always came last which meant I was more susceptible to feeling stressed, fatigued and even reaching burnout. I realised that I can’t pour from an empty cup and that boundaries are essential for protecting my time and energy.
Learning to say ‘no’
Being able to say ‘no’ forms part of setting healthy boundaries. I used to hate saying no so much, I would dance around a decision and often found myself doing something simply because I couldn’t say a simple two-letter word. Saying no is a powerful act of self-love and can have a positive impact on your self-esteem too and confidence. Choosing to prioritise your needs reasserts how much you value yourself, so please don’t feel guilty for saying no to things that don’t serve you.
Practising Self Love via Self Care
Many of us started to embrace self-care during the pandemic simply because we had more time and didn’t have much else to do! Enforced time at home meant more time to take care of ourselves. We sought out ways to keep active, doing activities that brought us joy and generally treating ourselves, which is exactly what self-care is.
I’ve always loved self-care – I bought a skincare book during my teens and have been giving myself home facials for decades. But proper self-care is more than just pampering. Here are some of the aspects of self-care:
Physical Health
If Elle Woods taught us anything it’s that “exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t“. This is the main reason I exercise – and my fictitious husband is forever grateful. Whether it’s a gym session, a long walk or a good yoga session, that rush of endorphins lifts my mood like nothing else.
Activities That Bring You Joy
At my worst, I endlessly scroll through social media feeds or indulge in a Netflix binge. These activities are neutral and don’t have any positive effect on me. After one too many days lost to Netflix and social media, I decided to limit my time in favour of more fulfilling activities. This will look different to everyone – during lockdown I loved painting but nowadays I prefer to read or spend time eating good food with great company. Pay attention to how you feel during and after an activity, this will help you figure out whether it brings you joy and helps to fill your cup.
Treating Yourself
No, I’m being serious. Treating yourself is an essential aspect of self-love and gives you a self-esteem boost. Contrary to what your Instagram feed might tell you, this doesn’t mean buying a Chanel handbag or a plane ticket. This can be as simple as running yourself an indulgent bath with candles and a mellow soundtrack or grabbing a matcha latte on a walk. Indulge in little things that make you smile.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, simply offering yourself the same empathy you extend to other people. Some of the main ways I cultivate self-compassion are:
Letting Go of Self-Judgment and Criticism
I am always much more judgemental about my actions. I’d go as far as to say my inner critic used to be harsh and unforgiving. Holding yourself to high standards is great, unless your inner critic goes unchecked. Become aware of your self-talk and challenge negative thoughts. Would you speak to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? If the answer is no, change the way you speak to yourself.
Practising Self-Forgiveness for Self Love
While I’m quick to forgive others, I realised my inner critic didn’t find it so easy to forgive myself. I would replay mistakes and beat myself up for months over the smallest mistake. Once I realised this was holding myself back from healing and growth, I changed my behaviour. I now have the mindset that I tried my best and made the best decision at the time. This helps me draw a line under situations, learn from them and move on.
Being Kind and Gentle with Yourself
This is linked to self-forgiveness, being kind to yourself is vital when you are cultivating self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself and extend the same empathy and understanding you would to others to yourself. Life is hard, especially now, and you are doing your best.
Nurturing Your Mind and Spirit for Self Love
I’m not religious but my spiritual practice is important to me and I see it as an essential aspect of self-love. Mindfulness, meditation and practising yoga form the cornerstones of my spiritual practice, but this will look different for everyone.
For me, mindfulness means slowing down, doing things with intention and being fully present. I practice mindfulness during my daily routine and you can extend it to any activity, from doing the washing up to watering the plants. You can also practice mindful breathing techniques which can be very powerful.
Meditation is an incredibly powerful tool. There are over a hundred different types so if you haven’t found one that resonates with you, keep trying. My mind tends to be restless so I prefer following a guided meditation or chanting a mantra meditation.
I have practised yoga on and off for about eight years. I’ve dabbled in spin, HIIT and strength training but I find I always come back to my yoga practice. It’s so much more than simply stretching. Yoga helps to cultivate a healthy mind-body connection. Often yoga poses, or asanas, are linked to breathing – you tend to inhale with an upwards or expansive asana and exhale with a downward or contractive movement. If you’re new to yoga, try Hatha or Yin yoga before exploring other options.
I hope this post has helped you understand the importance of self-love and given you tips on practising self love.
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